theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
