I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
