wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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