I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
