overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I party with great urgency now.
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