I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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