Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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