Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
