My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
