he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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