I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
