Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
