You can't special order awesome
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
