so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
