no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
