R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
