All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
