i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
