Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
