i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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