apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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