It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
