RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
