I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
