its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
