But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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