You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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