I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
