I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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