If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
