Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
