his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
