I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
