If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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