My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
