dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
