i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
