we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
