I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
