great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
