3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
