Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
