Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
