maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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