You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
