May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
