I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
