Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
