i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
