Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
