Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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