we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
