Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
