He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
