Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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