Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
