I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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