There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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